My Random Thoughts

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Concerning Marriage...

"Why do you want to get married?"
"What do you think marriage is?"
"What kind of man do you want to marry?"
I've been asked these questions and though I'm terrible at putting my thoughts​and feelings into words, I'm going to do my best.

The first question was "Why?"...
I have always felt a desire to commit myself to a man that God would some day bring to me. Obviously, as a seven year old you wouldn't put it quite as deeply serious as I just did now at 19, but strangely enough, I thought of marriage almost all the time, even at that age. When I was somewhere between 10-13 years old I decided marriage and the family life must be my calling. I felt weird saying this, of course, because all my friends were saying how they were going to be missionaries. I felt like marriage wasn't as noble as being a missionary overseas, yet I have never been able to change my desires from this path. It is only now that I realize being a missionary doesn't mean running to the middle of Africa somewhere and telling cannibals about Christ without being eaten... You can be a missionary anywhere. In fact, everyone is a missionary of something, whether you want to be or not. Either you're promoting Christ and what He's done for the world and actually living out Christ's example or you're promoting and being that of the world. This is where I read in the book "You and Me Forever" how marriage should be an example of how Christ loves us. So, in itself, marriage is its own mission field and a very noble and difficult one, I'm sure, but soo worth it... also, if the going about it is done God's way.

Now, the next question was "What do you think marriage is?" I've kind of already answered that above. I believe marriage is going to be an amazing, tearful (both tears of sadness and joy), and challenging journey. This actually excites me more though. I love a good challenge and it will be all the easier I'm sure if when I accept this challenge with someone also excited to enjoy and overcome the challenge. When I picture marriage I picture things like clasped hands, a tearful exchange of hugs, a gentle kiss of encouragement, even giving my man a massage to help rub away the hardships of the day. Call me a romantic and I'll thank you. Call me old fashioned and I'll say the same. Though I did wrong once, I hope and pray to never make the same mistake twice. I believe being a romantic is a great thing and I must, MUST, save the sweet words and deeds I've been holding in my heart for the ONE and only I hope to meet soon.
I could probably talk about this forever but I'm going to go ahead and move on to question number three.

As I already mentioned, I hope to find someone who not only expects but looks forward to overcoming the challenges that come with marriage. I long for a friend in this special someone. Someone that understands that a hug is all I need to remember my foolish emotions and stubborn pride. Someone that will humbly remind me where the right path is. When he talks about his walk with God, it won't be with arrogance or an air of being more godly than me. I want a man of responsibility and maturity but one who knows how to have fun...maybe even dump a glass of water on me in the beginnings of a competitive water fight... 😊 someone who makes me laugh (which isn't hard by the way) and understands why keeping that little childish spark alive is very important to me. For as long as that spark is alive, my grandad seems that less far away. He was the most fun and loving grandad a little girl could ask for. That aside, I have one more thing to say concerning...well, my future. I fear the day that I will sit with the one I hope to marry and spill out my past. I fear the wedding night, for all my imperfections. I fear losing my hair color to gray or losing my waist size. I fear my children possibly disliking me or feeling embittered towards me. I fear growing old and dying. But, concerning all this, I pray God will show those I've named above, this letter.

I have spent almost all of my 19 years, to this point anyway, trying to ready myself for you, MY family, to come along. I have failed along the way, of course, but I will never quit trying to be the friend and, Lord willing, wife and mother God wants me to be. If I have fought this long to be patient for you, my dreams, so please don't think for a second that I will give it up when I finally receive that for which I've shed countless tears and offered many prayers. And I will not change in this, by the will of God... for my determination in waiting and following God's timing in finally receiving that which my heart desires. It grows daily.

~Shannon Hawley~

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Sample of "the Furnace of Time"


     The curtain hung in the distance shimmering in the sunlight. All the colors of the rainbow danced along its silky surface. This angelic miracle is what he was after. He would destroy it and no one would be able to stop him. Gethen signaled his army to proceed... a grin spreading across his face. He was unstoppable. As he drew closer, he began to make out three distinct figures standing in his path. Golden light surrounded them. Gethen's grin faded as he roared in anger. The figures did not stir. He knew they had heard him yet there they stood defiantly. Did they truly believe they could protect their precious humans from him!
"So be it", he ground out through clenched teeth. "FORWARD"
Slowly the massive army again began its march across the lushes plains of Arcadia... straight towards the radiant beings ahead.

                       CHAPTER 1

   Asterope watched as the light of the fire danced along the cave walls. It was so beautiful.
        "Daddy, tell me another story." She whined as she snuggled closer to her father.
        Malcolm Dorsov groaned as he turned to look at his restless daughter. "Asterope its the middle of the night and I just told you one."
        "Pleeeease" she pleaded. "Tell me about the King's Warrior."
         Pretending to be very stern, daddy answered, "Alright...But no interrupting." Asterope nodded eagerly.

        "Once upon a time, there lived a great and just King. His people loved him greatly and all that he gave them. For his enjoyment he appointed champions over the people, entrusting to them portions of his power. These champions used this power to do many wonders. All was well for a time...till corruption was born. Out of the champions came a man of great darkness. His name...was Gethen. Retreating beyond the borders of the great King's land and his loyal subjects, Gethen hid himself away in a dark forest. There he conjured up many an evil, going so far as to call forth those trapped in Gehenna, land of the damned. In time he established an army composed of traitors, exiles and vile creatures to march on the King's land and take the throne. But as Gethen and his horde of evil began their advance, the King and his champions meet them and a long bloody war emerged, both sides suffering many casualties. The champions fought hard but soon came to realize there were too few of them to continue to hold off the powerful hellish beings of Geheena. The King also realized that by giving so much of his power to so many the power had diminished. Now neither he nor his champions could protect his people from Gethen. One day the King was struck down by a poisoned arrow to the heart. His power tried to heal him but it was not enough. His champions begged him to take the power he'd given them so that he may save his own live, but he refused. Instead the King called forth his four daughters and in the presence of all those who had stood by him he gathered his power back to himself. Then with his final breath he released unto his beloved girls the magic. Now only they held power strong enough to defeat Gethen. But of the four sisters only one had the courage to fight. The youngest, Shaleh, went out alone and challenged Gethen. The battle ragged for days until suddenly in a flash of light and sound it was over. When the smoke cleared...neither Shaleh nor Gethen could be found. In fear of the other sisters the horde scattered, retreating into the darkest corners of the world. The champions, in their excitement, left the sisters standing on the battlefield to return home celebrating the victory and mourning the dead. No one ever saw the three sisters again but some say they left this world to form a barrier between our world and the spirit world in fear that Gethen's spirit somehow survived. Others say the sisters ended their own lives there alone side the grave of Shaleh; ending magic once and for all.

    As the story came to a close, Malcolm glanced down at his beloved daughter, her sleeping form curled tightly against his side. Why hadn't he noticed before how much of her mother she had in her. The long, black hair, deep, blue eyes and warm, olive skin all mirrored his beautiful, late wife. He leaned down and kissed the top of Asterope's head. She would be turning 9 years old in less than a month and he had yet to think of a gift for her. Not much profit came of a temporary caravan guardsmen always on the move. Suddenly an idea occurred to him. He would scrape together every last coin he could for the rest of the month, then he would find them real home. For her birthday he would give his daughter a place to finally settle... permanently. He was so thrilled over this idea he couldn't sleep the rest of the night.

    The next morning Malcolm decided it was time to travel to the city. It was a good day's journey from their private cave and if he was to afford his daughter's gift he needed to find some good work fast. As Malcolm saddled Horse, unfortunately named by Aster herself, Asterope packed the last bit of kitchenware. "Alright sweetheart let's start off shall we?"
    "" At the note of distress in his daughter's voice Malcolm spun round to face her, only to find a pile of packs and bedding wavering before him. Laughing at his daughter's strength of will and independence he quickly reached down and lightened her load. Asterope breathed a deep sigh of relief, giving her daddy a big smile of appreciation. Once the last of their belongings were tied down on Sadie, their mule, Malcolm reached down to lift Asterope onto Horse's back. As he did so Asterope threw her arms around her strong daddy, gave him one sloppy butterfly kiss, and whispered, "I love you daddy" into his ear. In that moment, Malcolm truly believed he was the happiest man alive.

    Asterope loved her daddy so much. So much so that at times she became almost giddy with contentment. This morning she was so happy she almost forgot her dislike of traveling. Almost...Yet not quite. As the long hours passed her earlier cheerful contenance quickly began to fade. Rain had been scarce this season, leaching all moisture from...well... everything. Every step Horse made  sent billows of dust into the air where the harsh wind caught it up and sent it swirling. It coated her mouth and teeth no matter how tightly she pressed her lips together. Daddy had even given her his handkerchief to tie around her face, yet the dust still got through. Her eyes felt stiff and dry, just like everything around them.  Asterope patted her dad's arm to get his attention but then realized she was to afraid to open her mouth for all the dust. In misery, and with tears welling up, Asterope closed her eyes and leaned back against her papa turning her face into his arm.

    Malcolm realized they needed to find shelter soon. Less then half way to the city the wind had begun to pick up. Now they were in the middle of a windstorm that was growing fiercer by the minute. He was sure there was an old abandoned cabin somewhere along this route yet couldn't be sure where with the amount of dust flying through the air. Suddenly, a faint  outline of some large object materialized before them. Dismounting Horse, and holding tightly to the reins, Malcolm reached out to determine the nature of the silhouette. To his relief it was a stone building. He hurriedly felt along the exterior searching for the door. Once found, he forced Horse and Sadie inside and quickly shut the door. Malcolm first set to work filling a basin of water from the indoor pump to bath Aster, who still sat whimpering on Horse, than rushed over to help his little girl down. After washing most of the grime and sweat away, Malcolm shook out the blankets and lay his dear girl down. Next he brushed the animals down. The wind outside howled even louder upsetting the horse and mule. Malcolm quickly emptied two sacks of their belongings and slipped them over both animals heads. Suddenly there was a noise at the door. Someone was trying to get in but Malcolm had locked the door behind him. Though he refused to leave anyone out in this weather he wasn't about to not take any precautions. Reaching into his boot, Malcom pulled a dagger and unlocked the door. As the door flew open, forcing Malcom to the wall, he watched as a mass of cloaked figures collapsed on the floor in a heap. As the figures began to scramble over each other to get out of the wind Malcom tried to shut the door. But the wind had become so strong he was worried he couldn't do so. Two of the cloaked figures rushed over to help and together they got it closed and locked once more. An adable sigh went out through the cabin as everyone slumped to the floor in exhaustion. Someone began to laugh. Another joined in, than another and before he knew it even he was joining in.
    "So, who's company do I have the pleasure of meeting on this stormy day," Malcolm inquired as the laughter began to fade. As one, the cloaked figures rose. There were about twelve of them in all and then what looked to be a child. A man stepped forward and pulled back the hood of his cloak.
    "My name is Agnarr Sadavin, Duke of Chaznare, and this is my lovely wive Rizalia and daughter Mira. We are traveling from the kingdom of Negwen. These are my faithful subjects and comrades in company. And to whom do we owe our gratitude, for rescuing us from such a dreadful fate?"

The Furnace of Time

   Once upon a time, their was peace, love and kindness. And then the darkness came. Peace was left shattered and bloody. Love was torn apart. And Kindness... was haunted by cruelty. Yet somehow... the three survived. Forged by hardship, softened by the fires of pain and molded on the anvil of realty, these three find refuge in those worthy to preserve their honor...those determined to remain...for the good of those to come.

  The massacre of the Royal family was only the beginning of a long, brutal purge of all those a threat to the evil Gethen. But a few survived. By the will of fate their paths cross one by one. Coming together, despite their differences, seven women set out on a journey in search of a weapon said to have  extraordinary power. In hope it will defeat Gethen and heal their land, they will stop at nothing to harness this power. But things aren't always as they seem and power should never be taken lightly. Through the furnace of time, the company is molded into the warriors the world would need to defeat the darkness.

Monday, February 6, 2017

A Story Encouragement

A one-year-old boy shattered his back falling down a flight of stairs. He spent his childhood and youth in and out of hospitals. When interviewed by Gavin Read, former Bishop of Maidstone, the boy remarked, "God is fair." Gavin stopped him and asked, "How old are you?" "Seventeen," the boy replied. "How many years have you spent in three hospital?" "The boy answered, " Thirteen years." Gavin asked, "Do you think that is fair?" He replied, "God has got all of eternity to make it up to me."

I read this story in a devotional not long ago and it was such an encouragement. God has promised us a mansion in heaven, no more sorrow, no more pain... So why is it so hard for us to keep from complaining about this short life's sorrows. My first job looked, on the outside, as if it would be a great place to transition into the world. Over the year I worked there I found I was deeply mistaken. I was hit by many temptations, filth, immorality, blasphemy...yet I couldn't escape it. I sent many applications out trying to get out of there but got no reply. Finally, at the end of that year the Lord opened a door for me to go someplace else. This second job's environment was so much more relaxing and spiritually safe and I loved it. But we can't escape the world completely. Hardships arose in this place as well and I returned to my complaining. Then I realized I was no better than the Israelites, that when removed from being slaves in Egypt to wandering the wilderness, complained incessantly. I always told myself the Israelites were foolish to think Egypt was better, when it was clearly not, but that's exactly what I was facing now. My new job, though still hard, was so much better than the first and I should be thanking God for saving me from the first job.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Natural Beauty

   Have you ever listened to a storm? Not with the ears of men but of heavenly ears. The wind in the trees and the way it makes the leaves shimmer. And you watch the lightning flash and crawl across the great black sky. How this causes the tiny water droplets to sparkle like a thousand diamonds. There's music here. If you don't believe in magic your not looking hard enough. Magic is all around us going unnoticed every day. It's in the bright blue skies, in the songbirds harmony, in the entrancing moonbeams. We expect magic to mean something powerfully harsh and strong, so much so we miss the beauty, peace, and love of the magic granted us by our awesome God.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Love Poem

            Baby Dear Baby

                                              By Shannon

                     Baby, dear baby
                     In comfort you lay
                     I wish you could stay
                     To God I did pray
                     Baby, dear baby
                     You stole my heart love
                     As sweet as a dove
                     You fly high above
                     Baby, dear baby
                     Your family does cry
                     To understand why
                     God calls you up high
                     Baby, dear baby
                     We trust God knows best.
                      You against His breast
                      We lay you to rest.

                                With much love to      
                                     my sibling in heaven

Friday, March 6, 2015

A Poem of Encouragement

He is Faithful

When you are depressed 
And the devil's at work,
Just be sure to look
For God. In Him we rest.

Run to the Lord 
For He is faithful.
Though the battle be painful
God's word is our sword.

               by Shannon G. Hawley