Concerning Marriage...

"Why do you want to get married?"
"What do you think marriage is?"
"What kind of man do you want to marry?"
I've been asked these questions and though I'm terrible at putting my thoughts and feelings into words, I'm going to do my best.

The first question was "Why?"...
I have always felt a desire to commit myself to a man that God would some day bring to me. Obviously, as a seven year old you wouldn't put it quite as deeply serious as I just did now at 19, but strangely enough, I thought of marriage almost all the time, even at that age. When I was somewhere between 10-13 years old I decided marriage and the family life must be my calling. I felt weird saying this, of course, because all my friends were saying how they were going to be missionaries. I felt like marriage wasn't as noble as being a missionary overseas, yet I have never been able to change my desire from this path. It is only now that I realize being a missionary doesn't mean running to the middle of Africa somewhere and telling cannibals about Christ without being eaten... You can be a missionary anywhere. In fact, everyone is a missionary of something, whether you want to be or not. Either you're promoting Christ and what He's done for the world and actually living out Christ's example or you're promoting and being that of the world. This is where I read in the book "You and Me Forever" how marriage should be an example of how Christ loves us. So, in itself, marriage is its own mission field and a very noble and difficult one, I'm sure, but soo worth it as long as you go about it God's way.

Now, the next question was "What do you think marriage is?" I've kind of already answered that above. I believe marriage is going to be an amazing, tearful (both tears of sadness and joy), and challenging journey. This actually excites me more though. I love a good challenge and it will be all the easier if, when I accept this challenge with someone, they are also excited to enjoy and overcome the challenge. When I picture marriage I picture things like clasped hands, a tearful exchange of hugs, a gentle kiss of encouragement, even giving my man a massage to help rub away the hardships of the day. Call me a romantic and I'll thank you. Call me old fashioned and I'll say the same. Though I did wrong once, I hope and pray to never make the same mistake twice. I believe being a romantic is a great thing and I must, MUST, save the sweet words and deeds I've been holding in my heart for the ONE and only I hope to meet soon.
I could probably talk about this forever but I'm going to go ahead and move on to question number three.

As I already mentioned, I hope to find someone who not only expects but looks forward to overcoming the challenges that come with marriage. I long for a friend in this special someone. Someone that understands that a hug is all I need to remember my foolish emotions and stubborn pride. Someone that will humbly remind me where the right path is. When he talks about his walk with God, it won't be with arrogance or an air of being more godly than me. I want a man of responsibility and maturity but one who knows how to have fun...maybe even dump a glass of water on me in the beginnings of a competitive water fight... 😊 someone who makes me laugh (which isn't hard by the way) and understands why keeping that little childish spark alive is very important to me. For as long as that spark is alive, my grandad seems that less far away. He was the most fun and loving grandad a little girl could ask for. That aside, I have one more thing to say concerning...well, my future. I fear the day that I will sit with the one I hope to marry and spill out my past. I fear the wedding night, for all my imperfections. I fear losing my hair color to gray or losing my waist size. I fear my children possibly disliking me or feeling embittered towards me. I fear growing old and dying. But, concerning all this, I pray God will show those I've named above, this letter.

I have spent almost all of my 19 years, to this point anyway, trying to ready myself for you, MY family, to come along. I have failed along the way, of course, but I will never quit trying to be the friend and, Lord willing, wife and mother God wants me to be. If I have fought this long to be patient for you, my dreams, please don't think for a second that I will give it up when I finally receive that for which I've shed countless tears and offered many prayers. And I will not change in this, by the will of God... for my determination in waiting and following God's timing in finally receiving that which my heart desires. It grows daily.

~Shannon G. Hawley~